Sunday Night

Here we go again:  All the jitters and panic of Sunday night.

Not feeling super, but feeling OK.  Also, I stocked up on more candy to bribe my kids - that helps diminish the jitters.

Had a lovely weekend, at least.

I've banned myself from watching unnecessary TV.  So far, I've been MUCH more productive.  I even feel a little better, I think, that I'm listening to music instead of watching garbage on the tube.  So far, So good.  Though I finished a little early tonight, so I might give myself 30 minutes.  Heck, I even went through my mail (backed up several weeks / months) today!

Maybe not - I'm actually pretty tired, and it couldn't hurt to go to bed early.

The other thing:  There are times when I'm SO happy I'm single.  Sometimes in a relationship, at least, for me, I get frustrated by the other person - let down, I guess.  I try SO HARD to be this perfect person for whoever I'm with - well...the perfect ME, is what I really mean.  That might sound silly, but I don't think it's that I change who I am for the other person - I just put my energy into the relationship to really make it all that I can.  Well, anyway, through this rambling, what I'm trying to say, is that if I'm single, that means that MY romantic story didn't happen yet.  It means I still have hope, and that someday, someone could come along and write MY love story.  Doesn't everyone want that love story?  So when someone asks how you met or how it began, you have a GREAT answer that you're proud of?  So that there's never been a question as to how much you two care?

Oh, I dunno.  But this is absolutely beautiful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQEslJZuV7U

3 times -

That's a terrifying thought, btw.

Days like today make it feel impossible to think of ANYTHING positive about what I do.

I just spent 5 hours being told that I ruin kids lives, that I'm unfair, that I'm bad, that I shouldn't be where I am.  Literally.

I guess that's not so different from EVERY day, but it's worse when it comes from parents.

I'm doing the best I know how to do.  On the bright side, I know more every day.  But that really doesn't feel like it matters right now.

It's hard to believe I have to be back there in 12 hours.  I kind of wish I could disappear for a little while.

The worst part is that this is my entire life.  I spend all of my days and all of my nights TRYING, and now this.  I already get disrespected, I already feel isolated,  I'M GIVING MY LIFE HERE.  There are other things I could be doing.

At least I only have to go through this 3 more times this year.

You should know how I feel, you should know what I want, you should know what to do.]]period the end

I miss reading your posts

I guess you disappeared into happier days.  That's good, I guess.  I just liked reading about someone who felt like I used to.

I don't feel it anymore.  If you don't get me, then I just want to be left alone.

I want someone who's perfect for me.  I don't want to continue to be saddened every time I remember how STUPID I was.

I hurt.