I often feel lonely, but I only ever really want to be alone.
?
I wonder how long it'll take before that changes
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
WHY
Why are most people I know from college already engaged or married???? Don't they understand they haven't LIVED?????????
I don't understand why a 21 year old would tell me that she was "ready to settle down." SHE HASN'T UNSETTLED!!!!!!
I guess when I have an opinion that most other people don't seem to have, an opinion that seems SO REASONABLE, LOGICAL, AND SENSIBLE, and they STILL don't get it, it makes me feel more alone.
I don't understand why a 21 year old would tell me that she was "ready to settle down." SHE HASN'T UNSETTLED!!!!!!
I guess when I have an opinion that most other people don't seem to have, an opinion that seems SO REASONABLE, LOGICAL, AND SENSIBLE, and they STILL don't get it, it makes me feel more alone.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Incredibly Offended
Trying REALLY hard not to be completely bitter and angry.
I have that feeling like all my insides are tensed up - I used to go to the gym to get rid of that feeling, but I can't really afford that/I don't have time for that, so I guess I just have to hope it goes away soon.
Why does that have to make such a damn difference? Over 2 hours of good conversation was worthless because it turns out I'm not religious? It doesn't matter to me - why should it matter to you? Isn't that COMPLETELY AGAINST what your beliefs are supposed to be? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT IS HYPOCRITICAL GARBAGE
I just enjoyed having someone to talk with about something other than my job (OK, that DID come up, but not for very long). I love my 3 friends that I have, but it was nice to have someone new to talk to - someone who's in a similar situation as myself.
And I hate how people respond when I mention my parents are divorced. Or my dad's boyfriend.
WHATEVER - yet again - it DOESN'T BOTHER ME, WHY SHOULD IT BOTHER YOU?????
And I'm never going to forgive you for how you treated me when I put my complete trust in you. I don't respect what you're doing - I can't force the sympathy I wish I had, or be patient with you anymore. There are so many times I wish I could just wash my hands of the situation. I regret feeling that way, but I can't find a way to stop those thoughts or resentments.
It comes down to respect. I HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR MYSELF AND FOR OTHERS. I HAVE TO respect the people in my life, or I get the desire to blow you off.
Ugh that feeling is still there. Like I need to punch something.
I picked up a gift tag for the salvation army today. I love getting those gifts - I can't really afford to do that either, but I've done it for so many years, I can't stop now. It's one of my favorite things about the holiday.
I'm really glad I have a job that takes up my entire life, because it means I have less time to think about being mopey. I guess I just don't believe that there's someone out there who can measure up. Plus, I find it hard to believe that I could even be a part of something healthy with my past and my mental baggage and whatever else.
I want to be the best at what I do, and I want to be in charge. I want to facilitate change, save people, experience EVERYTHING and go EVERYWHERE and live 100 more years so I can take it ALL in. I want to learn all the interesting things on the planet, I want to be STRONG, and I want to leave a legacy.
I have that feeling like all my insides are tensed up - I used to go to the gym to get rid of that feeling, but I can't really afford that/I don't have time for that, so I guess I just have to hope it goes away soon.
Why does that have to make such a damn difference? Over 2 hours of good conversation was worthless because it turns out I'm not religious? It doesn't matter to me - why should it matter to you? Isn't that COMPLETELY AGAINST what your beliefs are supposed to be? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT IS HYPOCRITICAL GARBAGE
I just enjoyed having someone to talk with about something other than my job (OK, that DID come up, but not for very long). I love my 3 friends that I have, but it was nice to have someone new to talk to - someone who's in a similar situation as myself.
And I hate how people respond when I mention my parents are divorced. Or my dad's boyfriend.
WHATEVER - yet again - it DOESN'T BOTHER ME, WHY SHOULD IT BOTHER YOU?????
And I'm never going to forgive you for how you treated me when I put my complete trust in you. I don't respect what you're doing - I can't force the sympathy I wish I had, or be patient with you anymore. There are so many times I wish I could just wash my hands of the situation. I regret feeling that way, but I can't find a way to stop those thoughts or resentments.
It comes down to respect. I HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR MYSELF AND FOR OTHERS. I HAVE TO respect the people in my life, or I get the desire to blow you off.
Ugh that feeling is still there. Like I need to punch something.
I picked up a gift tag for the salvation army today. I love getting those gifts - I can't really afford to do that either, but I've done it for so many years, I can't stop now. It's one of my favorite things about the holiday.
I'm really glad I have a job that takes up my entire life, because it means I have less time to think about being mopey. I guess I just don't believe that there's someone out there who can measure up. Plus, I find it hard to believe that I could even be a part of something healthy with my past and my mental baggage and whatever else.
I want to be the best at what I do, and I want to be in charge. I want to facilitate change, save people, experience EVERYTHING and go EVERYWHERE and live 100 more years so I can take it ALL in. I want to learn all the interesting things on the planet, I want to be STRONG, and I want to leave a legacy.
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