Incredibly Offended

Trying REALLY hard not to be completely bitter and angry.

I have that feeling like all my insides are tensed up - I used to go to the gym to get rid of that feeling, but I can't really afford that/I don't have time for that, so I guess I just have to hope it goes away soon.

Why does that have to make such a damn difference?  Over 2 hours of good conversation was worthless because it turns out I'm not religious?  It doesn't matter to me - why should it matter to you?  Isn't that COMPLETELY AGAINST what your beliefs are supposed to be?  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  THAT IS HYPOCRITICAL GARBAGE

I just enjoyed having someone to talk with about something other than my job (OK, that DID come up, but not for very long).  I love my 3 friends that I have, but it was nice to have someone new to talk to - someone who's in a similar situation as myself.

And I hate how people respond when I mention my parents are divorced.  Or my dad's boyfriend.

WHATEVER - yet again - it DOESN'T BOTHER ME, WHY SHOULD IT BOTHER YOU?????

And I'm never going to forgive you for how you treated me when I put my complete trust in you.  I don't respect what you're doing - I can't force the sympathy I wish I had, or be patient with you anymore.  There are so many times I wish I could just wash my hands of the situation.  I regret feeling that way, but I can't find a way to stop those thoughts or resentments.

It comes down to respect.  I HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR MYSELF AND FOR OTHERS.  I HAVE TO respect the people in my life, or I get the desire to blow you off.

Ugh that feeling is still there.  Like I need to punch something.

I picked up a gift tag for the salvation army today.  I love getting those gifts - I can't really afford to do that either, but I've done it for so many years, I can't stop now.  It's one of my favorite things about the holiday.

I'm really glad I have a job that takes up my entire life, because it means I have less time to think about being mopey.  I guess I just don't believe that there's someone out there who can measure up.  Plus, I find it hard to believe that I could even be a part of something healthy with my past and my mental baggage and whatever else.

I want to be the best at what I do, and I want to be in charge.  I want to facilitate change, save people, experience EVERYTHING and go EVERYWHERE and live 100 more years so I can take it ALL in.  I want to learn all the interesting things on the planet, I want to be STRONG, and I want to leave a legacy.