On the bright side, I cleaned my apartment - SUPER CLEANED - swept, mopped, wiped, cleaned everything from the floor to counter/tabletops to the walls. - wowwie kaboodles!
I know some things SHOULDN'T be big deals...but they are. Is that a fault in myself? Should I change my expectations? I hate feeling like I look forward to things more than others.
On the other bright side, I think I'm handling this experience much better than some of my peers. While I get mildly pissed off, I'm fairly alright and going with the flow. Am I less uptight than previously thought?????
Last thought - I need a gym. Preferably an affordable one. One with a good mixture of people - not just Rocky wannabees or middle-aged women. :-/
More sessions tomorrow, then the Dr. Haven't quite figured out how to explain what I am right now, and it's terribly embarrassing. Either way doesn't really sound right - probably because the truth sounds pathetic and the lie sounds bad too. You know what? On second thought...I think the lie IS the truth - I just don't think I want to accept it.
I need to get my REAL journal - I feel so constricted on this site. I don't want to give myself away, but I hate speaking in what feels like a code.
You know how certain things - songs, sounds, smells, whatever - bring back floods of memories? it's so bittersweet when they hit.
She tells herself that she did her best
Through all the trials, they had been blessed
But she still longs to have her fun...
Wellpers, I need to get back to this curriculum...early morning tomorrow, and probably a late night. Doing what I can right now, and, for the most part, I'm doin' alright I think. Got a lot of dreams, got a lot of wishes...but what would life be without them?
Someday, when I'm gone - I want someone who never knew me to walk into my room, look around, and wish that they knew me based on how interesting my room looks. Heck, I wish I could put someone I've never met in my room, then interview them to find out what they presume me to be like.
Or maybe I just want someone to look closely and see the parts of me that other people don't.
"Love (it is such a relief to pen the word!), love, love—"
^It never loses it's impact. After 12 years, I'M still in love with it.
Someday, when I'm gone - I want someone who never knew me to walk into my room, look around, and wish that they knew me based on how interesting my room looks. Heck, I wish I could put someone I've never met in my room, then interview them to find out what they presume me to be like.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I just want someone to look closely and see the parts of me that other people don't.
^^I have thought the same thing!! I also wonder what someone would think about me if they looked inside my car at times...but mostly my room.