uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh

I hate Wednesdays.



I'm scared for tomorrow (today).  That's why I'm still up.  Doing nothing.  Ensuring that I'm exhausted for the worst day of the week.  Avoiding the work that's due today.  Avoiding the work that's due tomorrow.


URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


SaVeMe

Is it going to get better?  I don't think it will and I'm very discouraged.  Walked in on a fight today - at least it wasn't MY class.  Waiting for someone to realize that I'm just downright not good at this.

Not sure if I'm hoping they NEVER notice, or wanting them to notice so I can be FREEEEEEEEE.

And then the guilt comes.  I was SUPPOSED to be a game changer, here.  I looked down on so many people for not wanting to do the tough stuff.  Then I turn around and find out I'm one of those people :-(

4th Grade:  Please be magically good.  Please.  Except...please let it be permanent.  Please don't fight.  Please don't scream and talk back and break things and talk back and insult and walk out and argue and ignore anything and everything I do.  Please sit in your seats and listen and let me TEACH you.  Because THAT'S what I like to do.  I don't like to babysit or watch people berate one another.  I want to TEACH you so you have a better future.  I want to teach you so that you can have passion like I used to.

I miss playing.  I miss enjoying things for me.  I miss LEARNING things that challenge my mind and help me become smarter.  I feel guilty for that, too.

I'm running out of ideas.  And when that happens, I'll be SOL.

COME ON.  PLEASE WORK.  PLEASE BUY IN.  Is it really so awful to learn?

urgh.

hopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehopehope be there when I look for you in the morning.  DON'T GIVE UP.  YOU CAN DO IT!  YOU WILL DO IT!  Duhhhhhh!  It's so possible!  Do it Do it Do it!