Somewhere Bound

Back at school.

I originally thought that break would be good for me - relaxing and refreshing.

I was blown away when it somehow ended up being more difficult. It wasn't that spending time with family and friends was bad...because it wasn't. But I finally realized how distanced I am from my previous life at home, especially because I lived at school this summer. I haven't REALLY been home in over a year.

Seeing the high school kids - I felt SO OLD. I got lost driving through my own town (sheesh)...I felt farther than ever from the kid I used to be.

Coming back here was a challenge. I don't know how to de-isolate myself. Sometimes I don't WANT to de-isolate myself. Going back to school was a challenge. I still feel like a failure when I walk into the classroom. I'm frustrated - I'm scared that this isn't the right path I'm supposed to take.

I'm scared for my family - the economy is really hitting us hard.

The anxiety came back this morning. I had to sit in my car, breathe deeply, and focus on taking things one step at a time. Luckily, my horoscope told me to take things slow...not at a walk, but at a crawl. Thinking like that helped calm my nerves.

Even though my life may not be organized, my room is (for once), and that's kind of relaxing to come home to. I'm focusing on my music...I'm going to start meditating again...I need to find that ability to calm myself. I know it's in me - I just need to uncover it again.

This quote means a lot to me right now:
"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.

If I'm living in a world in which those things aren't true...well, sometimes we have to believe in stuff like that - the alternative is too ugly.

"Let us live for the beauty of our own reality!!!"





16 Days, 3 Concerts.



P.S. I have a confession: I'm feeling very protective of my friends at the moment.